Ryokan etiquette, without the anxiety

The answer, from our Tokyo office, is that you will get several small things wrong, nobody will mind, and the staff have hosted foreign guests for decades and are very good at steering you without making it awkward. Ryokan etiquette is not a test. It is a sequence, and once you know the sequence the anxiety goes away.

Arrival, and the shoes

You will be met at the entrance, usually by a woman in kimono, sometimes by the owner. Check-in is typically from 3pm and, unlike a hotel, arriving late genuinely matters: dinner is cooked for a set time and a 7pm arrival at a place that serves at 6pm creates a real problem. Tell us your train and we will set the arrival window accordingly.

Just inside the door there is a step up, and the floor changes material. That step is the line. Outdoor shoes come off before it, not after. Someone will turn them to face the door for you. Do not try to do this yourself.

You are then in house slippers. Those slippers go everywhere on wooden and stone floors and stop at the edge of any tatami mat, where you go in socks. There is a second, separate pair inside the toilet, and the most common mistake foreign guests make is walking out of the toilet still wearing them. If you do, someone will quietly point at your feet. That is the worst thing that will happen to you all evening.

Bring socks. You will be in them a great deal.

The room

Green tea and a small sweet will be brought. Sit down and drink it, even if you would rather unpack, because this is when the ryokan tells you the timings for the evening.

The room is tatami, with a low table and floor cushions. There is no bed. The futon is laid out while you are at dinner and put away while you are at breakfast, which is why staff ask when you plan to eat. Do not lay it out yourself and do not fold it away in the morning. Luggage goes in the corner, off the tatami where possible.

The bath, in order

This is the part people worry about most and it is genuinely simple. Japanese bathing separates washing from soaking. The onsen is for soaking in clean water. All washing happens before you get in.

The sequence:

1. Undress completely in the changing room and leave everything in the basket. Swimsuits are not worn. This is not negotiable and it is not a place to be creative.
2. Take the small towel with you into the bathing area. Leave the large one in the changing room.
3. Sit on the low stool at one of the washing stations. Wash and rinse thoroughly, hair included. Rinse the stool and the area when you are done.
4. Get into the bath slowly. It will be hotter than you expect, often around 104 to 108 Fahrenheit (40 to 42 Celsius).
5. The small towel does not go in the water. Fold it on your head or set it on the rim. Everyone does one or the other.
6. No swimming, no splashing, no phones, no conversation above a low voice.
7. When you get out, most people do not rinse off, because the mineral water is the point. Dry with the small towel before returning to the changing room.

Baths are separated by sex, marked with a red curtain for women and a blue one for men, and many ryokan swap them at a set hour so both guests see both baths. Times are on a sign. Read it or you will walk into a surprise. Do not bathe drunk, and do not go in on an empty stomach: the water is hot enough that both are a bad idea.

Yukata, and how to wear it

The yukata is the cotton robe in your room, and it is real clothing, not a bathrobe. You wear it to dinner, to breakfast, around the building and, in onsen towns like Kinosaki and Kusatsu, out in the street.

Two rules. Left side over right, always. Right over left is how the dead are dressed and it is the one mistake that will make someone quietly fix you. And the obi sash ties in a simple bow, not a knot. If it is cold there will be a heavier jacket, a tanzen, to go over it. In winter, wear it.

Dinner, which is the reason you came

Kaiseki is a set sequence of small courses built entirely around what is in season and what is local. It is served either in your room or in a private dining room, at a set time, usually between 6 and 7pm.

There will be eight to fourteen courses. Some will be things you cannot identify, and that is normal. It is fine to ask what something is. It is also fine not to finish a dish you do not like, though eating a little of everything is the polite version.

A few small things:

• Say itadakimasu before eating and gochisousama deshita afterwards. Both are appreciated from a foreign guest.
• Chopsticks rest flat on the holder between courses, never stuck upright in rice.
• Do not pour your own drink if you are with someone. Pour theirs, they pour yours.
• The lidded bowls: lift the lid, turn it over, set it beside the bowl.
• Eat while it is in front of you. Kaiseki is timed and an untouched course holds up the kitchen.

Dietary requirements are workable, but only with notice. Vegetarian is harder than most visitors expect because dashi, a fish stock, is in almost everything. Allergies must be communicated in writing, in Japanese, before arrival. Our Tokyo office briefs the ryokan directly, weeks ahead, and confirms the menu can be adapted before we book. A ryokan told the day before cannot help you.

Breakfast is a full Japanese meal: grilled fish, rice, miso, pickles, a small omelette. Some ryokan offer a Western alternative. Most do not, and we would encourage you to eat the Japanese one.

Tipping: do not

There is no tipping in Japan and a ryokan is the last place to try it. Cash pressed on a member of staff creates confusion and a small crisis of what to do with it. Service is included in the rate. If you want to express thanks, say so clearly at departure and write to us afterwards so we can pass it on. That is worth more to the staff than money.

Tattoos

Still a genuine barrier at many public onsen, including some inside ryokan, because of a historical association with organised crime. Attitudes are relaxing, particularly in tourist areas, but the policy is set by the individual property and not by the country.

If you have tattoos of any size, tell us early and without embarrassment. We book one of three solutions: a ryokan with a private open-air bath attached to your room, which is the best answer anyway; a property with bookable private baths you reserve by the hour; or one of the growing number of explicitly tattoo-friendly onsen. We confirm the current policy with the property rather than relying on what a forum said two years ago.

How many ryokan nights should you book?

Our answer is two. Not seven.

This is one of the few places we consistently argue with clients, so here is the reasoning.

A ryokan has a fixed shape: arrive by late afternoon, bathe, eat a long dinner at a set time, sleep, eat a large breakfast at a set time, leave by 10 or 11am. That is a wonderful day. It is not a flexible one. Two consecutive nights are ideal, because the first is spent learning the rhythm and the second enjoying it.

By the fourth or fifth night, most people are quietly longing for a room with a chair, a late breakfast and no obligation to be anywhere at 6pm. It also costs three to four times a good city hotel, so seven nights consumes the budget that would otherwise buy a better hotel in Kyoto and three excellent dinners.

So: two nights at one genuinely good ryokan rather than four mediocre nights at cheaper ones. Hakone is the classic placement on a first trip, an easy leg from Tokyo and the one place a view of Fuji is likely. Kinosaki and the Kii Peninsula work well on a longer route, and a night in a Koyasan temple lodging is a different experience again.

See romantic Japan in 11 days for how we place ryokan nights when the whole trip is built around them, and our two-week cost breakdown for what each night adds.

Plan this trip

Tell us how you want the trip to feel and a Japan specialist will place the ryokan nights where they earn their keep, brief the property on your requirements in Japanese, and book the rest around them. The first outline is free.

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